This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
