Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just googled if crying burns calories
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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