Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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