Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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