I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
