wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
