Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
