You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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