Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
