Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
