even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
