is your mom at the bar?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the day after is always just damage control
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
