so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
