yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
