alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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