Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
