last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
