I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His hands were made for my vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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