I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
