why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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