Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
