batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
