i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
