12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize