I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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