if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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