what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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