I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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