you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your penis caused this!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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