Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
