There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
