I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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