Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
His nipple licking is glorious
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