I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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