im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
