if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
