margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
