So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
