can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
