now i know why i became what i already was.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
