Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
