I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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