Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize