Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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