i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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