Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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