Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
