Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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