Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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