Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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