Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
