so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
