He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
