Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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