my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
