yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
