the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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