everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
