mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
