i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
