Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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